So things are gonna be a little different for this review. Normally I review albums from big name artists that smash onto #1 on the charts. Instead today I'm talking about an irrelevant band that debuted at #175 on the Billboard 200, and yet was still the highest debut. So I actually have to do some research, and because I'm lazy I'm starting with their Spotify bio. Reading this bio, any expectations I had are now gone. These guys sound like a god awful emo hard rock band. And apparently they tried to inject as much fury and emotion into their lyrics as possible. Fun times. Anyways, the only other thing about their bio I found interesting was that this album is gonna feature trap beats. That probably won't go well.
Next up is their Wikipedia page. Their page was very hard to find, as a Palisade is apparently "a common extrusive igneous (volcanic) rock formed from the rapid cooling of basaltic lava exposed at or very near the surface of a planet. That's kinda a terrible thing to name your band after but whatever, I've heard worse. Theres also a bunch of places called Palisades in New Jersey apparently, theres even an amusement park. These guys are also from Jersey (ew), so I guess that's where they got their name from. I learned basically nothing from reading their Wiki page, aside from the fact that blackbear is one of their associated acts. That means this grungy punk band is only one person removed from Jacob Sartorius.
Last up to see if I can find anything about these guys is their Billboard page (yes, they actually have one for some reason). They have 0 Hot 100 entries, which isn't surprising. But they also have 0 entries onto any of the rock song charts, so I guess we're talking about album history. This is their highest peaking album to date, as their only other album to chart on the Billboard 200 peaked at #198. Yet somehow that other album peaked higher on the rock albums chart, which implies there were more rock albums charting high in 2019 than in 2015. That implies that rock music is becoming more relevant now, which is just funny to think about. Anyways after that really long preamble where I determined next to nothing about this band, let's get into their (probably very bad) album:
Overview
Honestly, it was really hard for me to pick a best and worst song here. Because every song is almost the exact same. They said the album would feature trap beats and synth work a lot, and yet I heard those in like two songs. However, they certainly lived up to their promise of writing emo lyrics. Like I was expecting emo. I was not expecting THIS level of emo. In the end, for the best and worst, I gave the best to the most unique song, and the worst to the least unique one. Let' s just get into the individual track reviews:
Individual Track Reviews
1. Vendetta: They were not lying about those trap beats. I can hear one for like 5 seconds. Then the way too loud guitar comes in and drowns it all out. On first impression, their lead singer isn't awful I guess? He sounds pretty decent, and the guitar is pretty solid, but then the chorus kicks in and.....its not as terrible as I thought. But for some reason this isn't clicking with me. I guess it just feels really generic, and also for a guy who really wants everyone to hear his lyrics he's very hard to understand. 2/5.
2. Erase The Pain: The title track of the album is.....almost the exact same as the last one. Like honestly, I barely hear a difference between the two, aside from there being a weaker guitar line here. 2/5
3. Fade: This guitar line honestly sounds like it could fit in just as well on a country song. And holy shit, this guy seriously sounds like any generic post-grunge singer from the early 2000s here. However, despite the unique-ish verses, the chorus sounds the exactly same as the past two songs. 2/5
4. War: HOLY SHIT HE REALLY LIKES SCREAMING. Also he says something about kerosene which just makes me wish I was listening to She's Kerosene and makes me dislike this even more. 1/5 (also I accidentally put my arms down on my ear buds and turned this up really loud which did not help matters)
5. Ways To Disappear: So uhhh... This song is not like the rest of the album. The guy is singing normally. The main instrumentation is a mix of synths and trap beats instead of guitars. Didn't know bands could sell out before they were even in, but Palisades has proved me wrong. Anyways, jokes aside this isn't half bad, 3.5/5.
6. Ghost: Holy shit this guitar does not give me high hopes for the rest of the song. The reason why is that its the same guitar line thats been in basically all the songs. In fact, I think I've discovered the Ultimate How To Make A Palisades Song Formula®️. Here are the steps so you too can make a Palisades song:
1) something interesting to open the song
2) get rid of that for the same guitar line throughout the song
3) sing quietly in the verses
4) have the guitar get louder in the pre-chorus without actually changing it at all
5) try and fail to scream in the chorus, followed by a guitar solo
And the most important step of all: 6) write "emo" lyrics that sound like a 8th grader who just got dumped wrote them
7) basically do the same stuff for the rest of the song
8) rinse and repeat
0.5/5
7. Fragile Bones: It seems my Ultimate How To Make A Palisades Song Formula®️ is what they used for this song. I did actually manage to understand what the guy was saying for once. I believe he is screaming about saving a hangman. Why he would scream about that, who knows? But he did. 1/5
8. Push: Wow I made the Ultimate How To Make A Palisades Song Formula®️ as a joke, but the band seems to have taken it as the only way for them to make music. In this song, the guy really wants people to understand him. Honestly I'm surprised it took him 7 songs to start writing about that. 1/5
9. Patient: Oooh now he's talking about how he's so smart and people should stop trying to control him. Also he says "I don't think you'll ever understand". Sadly, I don't actually hate this song aside from the weird lyrics. He actually manages to do one chorus without an obnoxious guitar and tons of yelling, so props to him for that. Baby steps guys, baby steps. 1.5/5
10. Shed My Skin: Well we're back to the Ultimate How To Make A Palisades Song Formula®️. Except for a shocking twist: he doesn't even scream lyrics at points here. Instead, he just screams. A lot. 0.5/5
Final Thoughts
Rating: 4/10 (Mediocre)
Best Song: Ways To Disappear
Worst Song: Ghost (aka the song that was so generic it prompted me to write a set of rules about how generic the band was)
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